I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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