I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
