im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
