it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
