I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
