Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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