I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
