hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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