I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
