yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
