I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
zippers are such a cool invention
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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