coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
