the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
