I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
