Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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