i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
