How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
