found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
