I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
