i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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