apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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