I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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