Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
