Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
3pm strippers are depressing
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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