I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
