I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
