When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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