Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
