Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
