K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
