So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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