shes about as inviting as chlamydia
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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