Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
