On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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