does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
