I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
