Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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