He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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