He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
