I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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