She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
