just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
