Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
