nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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