just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
