You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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