dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
