I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
