Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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