All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
