Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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