Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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