so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
