I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I intend to get homeless drunk
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
